Did reading that word turn you on? If so, welcome to the club. It’s a big one, with a long history. Spanking was a nearly constant fixation of Victorian porn and is depicted in ancient unearthed carvings. It’s even described in the Kama Sutra. According to a survey published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, roughly one-third of the 1,500 participants listed spanking or being spanked among their fantasies. If one out of three people desires something, there’s a decent chance that not only you do, but your partners do as well.
If you’ve kept your sexy cravings a secret so far, but want to make those spanking dreams come true, here’s a helpful primer on how to do it:
1. Talk About It
The first step with any new sex act is to talk with your partner and make sure you’re both at least curious. If you’re stuck for ideas, here are some script suggestions:
- “Have you ever been spanked in bed?”
- “Can I share a fantasy with you? Sometimes I think about spanking you.”
- “Have you been naughty?” (This one works especially well during the holidays.)
The key is to be direct but non-confrontational. You’re not making demands. You’re just assessing compatibility. There are basically three ways they could react:
No way! What is wrong with you?!
If they seem completely horrified, assure them you respect their limits, thank them for letting you confide in them, and let it go. It’s hard to be rejected but that’s the risk you take when you step outside the box. Shift the conversation to things you both enjoy. This is a great moment to ask if there’s a fantasy of theirs that they haven’t yet shared with you.
I never really thought about it before … but it sounds exciting!
If they seem surprised but receptive, explore the topic gently and patiently. Make it clear you’re interested in trying it. Talk about what it might might be like. Fantasize together…
You, too? I thought it was just me!
If their eyes get as big as saucers and they confess they’ve been hoping you would bring this up, lucky you! You’re ready for the next phase of planning.
2. Give the First Spanking
There are lots of options to choose from but it’s best to keep the first time simple. Just give them a light slap on the fleshy part of the buttock the next time you’re getting busy and ask, “Did you like that?” If they did, follow up with, “Do you want it harder?” Experiment with light to medium force, one smack at a time. Cap it at ten, even if they want more. It will give you something to look forward to. And you want to make sure they’ll be able to sit down tomorrow!
3. Take It From There
If this experience rocks your world, and theirs, the sky is the limit. Have fun exploring the varieties and limits of erotic spanking, including, but not limited to:
Open palms deliver a delicious sting. Cupped palms give a heavier thud. Everyone’s different so have fun finding the smack that makes them go “Oooh!” You can also vary your momentum. Let your hand bounce off a few times, then follow through with the motion for more intensity. Twenty swats delivered in a steady rhythm is a sure toe curler. And some people love to be made to count the smacks to their ass. Out loud.
If you’re ready to expand the menu beyond your hands, you can play with household items such as rubber spatulas, wooden spoons, fly swatters, or hairbrushes. If you really love it, you can invest in some high-quality spanking gear.
Over the knee is traditional but the possibilities are endless. You can spank someone lying face down, either with legs together or spread apart. Other good options are on hands and knees, bent over the back of a chair, standing with palms against a wall, being forward from the waist to touch the floor… If you become truly devoted to the practice, you may wish to invest in a specialized piece of spanking furniture.
You can heighten the intensity of the spanking experience with role playing. (If you’re not sure how to get started, read this Beginner’s Guide to Sexy Role Playing.) Naughty schoolgirls and Roman slaves are common spanking scenes. As long as it appeals to both of you, go for it. I assure you, someone else already is.
To be certain your play stays fun, observe the safety rules.
- Keep your strikes in the strike zone, which includes the buttocks and thighs. Do not strike a person at or below the knees or at or above the tailbone. Doing either could injure them badly enough to send them to urgent care, an experience few find sexually satisfying.
- Keep the blows on the lighter side, especially if you’re new. Spanking can pack quite a wallop for the receiver, even if it doesn’t feel that hard for the giver. Also be aware that nerve endings vary from body part to body part. What feels great on the buttock might be unbearable on the outer thigh.
- Pay attention to body language and aim to stop short of their limits. Devise and use a safe word, to be used if the spankee needs the spanking to stop. (If you don’t know about safe words, read our Beginner’s Guide to Safewords.)
- Never hit a person with anything that could tear the skin. This includes most whips and all belt buckles. Whipping and spanking are very different things. If you decide to use a paddle and you break the skin you’ve hit too hard. Stop the spanking at once and clean and cover the broken skin.
Spanking is sexy. It’s fun. It makes people vulnerable, which increases intimacy. It releases endorphins and triggers blood flow to the sex organs. Which is why it’s been part of our sexual history for thousands of years. If it appeals to you, say so. There’s a good chance your partner will thank you.