If you’re looking to expand your sex repertoire, erotic massage is a skill well worth developing. Like skillful kissing, you distinguish yourself as a great lover by doing it. You can use massage to deepen the intimacy of a new relationship or enliven an established one. And nothing says ”I’m sorry,” “Congrats on your promotion,” or “Happy Mother’s Day” like a luxuriously soothing full-body rubdown. Onboard with the idea but unsure of how to give an erotic massage? Read on.
Get Into the Right Headspace for an Erotic Massage
People who give the best erotic massages have no goal other than their partner’s pleasure. Release any ulterior motives from your hands and just enjoy making them feel amazing. Think of it as building good sex karma.
Do Some Erotic Massage Prep Work
- Pick your spot. The bed is practical but can also be a loaded location. If you’re not already intimate with a partner, a bedroom massage can feel more like an expectation than an offering. The living room floor might be better in some cases. Just be sure to spread an inviting sheet over it.
- Tidy up. No one can relax while looking at a stack of last year’s magazines, some dust bunnies, and your collection of dead cell phones waiting to be taken to the e-waste dump.
- Adjust the temperature. No subarctic AC settings, please. You’re massaging a land mammal.
- Dim the lights. Draw the curtains. Candles are also a lovely touch, as they give off a warm light that promotes relaxation, so long as the scent isn’t overpowering. Plus, they make people glow.
- Put on some tunes. This is where it gets personal, as the soundtrack you select is both a statement about who you are and a message to your partner. So whether you go with Barry White, Enya, or narwhal mating calls, pick something that represents your taste and reflects an understanding of your partner.
- Wear something silky. A chemise or boxers in a luxurious material significantly ups the sensual aspect of your massage because your partner will feel smooth silk warmed by your body every time you brush against them.
- Throw down a drop towel on your massage surface. You’ll be using oil in this massage and stressing about drips isn’t erotic.
- Gather your supplies. Massage oil, a hand towel, and a small bowl of warm water. Warm the water just before the massage and keep it covered to retain its heat.
- Fold a large towel horizontally in thirds so that your undressed partner can easily pull it up over themselves.
- Suggesting they use the bathroom before you begin is a very loving thing to do.
- Wash your hands to make sure they smell nice.
Begin Your Erotic Massage with Sensation
Once your partner is undressed and lying comfortably under the big towel, wipe your hands with the warm hand towel. Then place them gently but firmly on the sides of their face. Lift your palms and allow your fingertips to gently caress their forehead, cheeks, and lips. Keep the pressure light enough to allow your fingers to glide but hard enough to avoid tickling.
If you have a feather, this is an excellent use of it. A blindfold is another optional prop, if your partner is into it. You might also add a heating pad placed over the towel, on their stomach or back. Heat applied here increases the soothing effect.
Once your hands are on your partner, be sure to pay close attention to their breath and body language. Any twitching or tensing may mean something’s not working for them. Or it may just be that they have trouble relaxing. Asking, “Is this good?” or, “Do you need/want anything?” shows that you’re taking care of them, and this can help them to relax.
Step It Up
Now you’re ready to introduce the massage oil. Any kind can work, although if your partner is allergic or sensitive to any ingredients (ask first!), you’ll want to avoid those oils. Almond or coconut oils are usually a safe bet. But for maximum erotic charge, get a lickable massage oil. Pour a small amount into your hands and warm it by rubbing your palms gently together. Now that your hands are warmed and lubricated, you can gradually increase the pressure.
- Caressing – gentle fingertips.
- Wide pressure – whole palm in contact with body, fingers together, thumbs parallel to fingers.
- Narrow pressure – thumbs pressing into knots.
- Kneading – grabbing and lifting the flesh, not too hard and without pinching.
Massage locations face up:
- Hands and forearms (computer users will love this)
- Feet, ankles, shins, and thighs. You may be the first person to ever massage their ankles. Lucky you.
Massage locations face down:
- Neck, shoulders, and back. You can put your knees on either side of their head and send long downward strokes alongside their spine and into the spot where the lower back meets the buttcoks. Or sit gently on their butt and press your thumbs into the knots between their shoulders.
- Buttocks – Ask first.
- Legs – Go easy on the calves, as they can be tender. Try long strokes up the backs of the thighs, pressing into the base of the buttock.
Bring It Home
If your partner wants more direct stimulation, conclude your massage by giving the same treatment to their happy zones. Breasts, groin, balls, labia, penis, perineum and clitoris all respond well to the caress and press treatment, followed by slow rhythmic strokes. Breathe with them. If they climax, finish them with a warm towel rubdown to clean them off. If they don’t, that’s ok. This is a sensual experience you’re sharing with them. Not a goal-oriented challenge.
Follow their lead. They may want to climax from oral sex or intercourse, rather than the massage. Or they may just want to go to sleep. If you let them do their thing, you will have given a massage to remember and strengthened your connection with them. This will likely improve your next sexual encounter whenever it happens. And perhaps that time it will be your turn for a massage.
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We believe in love, sexuality, and the power of inclusion. People of all shapes and sizes, colors and ethnicities, genders and sexualities are valuable and deserve to feel included. Everyone should have a safe place they can go to connect, discover and express themselves without fear of being judged, censored or discriminated against.
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