If someone gave you the gift of lingerie, then you know they want to see you in it. Yet it can feel like a lot of pressure in a small package – even if you’re both excited. Here’s how to turn a night bedecked in lingerie into a gift for two.
Find what makes lingerie appealing for you
A common question about lingerie is “I put it on…and then what?” Lingerie is sexy because it’s the layer next to your skin. If you see someone in their last layer of clothing, there’s intimacy going on – and there may be sexy times to come. That’s what gives underthings their long-term intrigue.
Clothes can be sexy because of the stories and archetypes around them. What do you associate with shiny black garments? Vintage satin cut to there? New-wave body harnesses? Think about why you feel something is sexy – what those stories are for you. When we put on sexy clothes, we’re telling our own chapter of those stories. It’s our chance to open up and play.
Lingerie is a way for both you and your lover to adore your body
If you’ve picked out some exciting underwear or accessories, congratulations. You’re expressing your personality and loving your body. Today, we can find wild lingerie for all body types and sizes. The plus-size industry is booming with sizzling looks to kill, there’s designers creating sexy post-mastectomy bras and there’s many trans- and nonbinary-positive lingerie lines. Feel free to choose something for the person you are, or to play with the sexy archetype you’ve always wanted to be.
If your lover gave you some, or asked you to wear it, ask what inspired them. That makes it easier for them to tell you about a look they’ve always admired or desired. Maybe they’ve always wanted to see you dressed like that, or they simply think that naughty undies are romantic. Either way, they’re saying they want you, and sharing something with you. They may even be vulnerable about it.
Build anticipation, in public or private
“What are you wearing?” is a phone sex cliché for a good reason. People love sensual visuals. Give your partner something to picture by letting them know you’ll be wearing something sexy. Wear it under your cozy gear when it’s time for Netflix and chill, or beneath an everyday outfit – and tell them you’re wearing it. You might find yourselves pressing pause on that movie for a real-life show!
For a next level of tease, send a text message telling them you’ll be wearing something special. You can share a quick phone snap, too. If you really want to tease them, send a discreet selfie with part of your outfit. Your shoulder with a tempting strap, your upper leg grazed by lace or ragged denim, a cheeky smile over a neckline. (Read our article on How to Keep Your Naughty Texts and Photos Private for more information on how to do it safely!)
With new underwear, it’s always good to try it on in advance. This is especially helpful if it’s a little complicated, like a corset or a six-snap garter belt with seamed stockings. You’ll find out if you need to ask somebody to help you tighten laces or straighten stocking seams. Which can be part of the fun!
Enjoy ‘the reveal’
Burlesque performers like Dita von Teese talk about ‘the reveal’. The reveal is the striptease step when they take off outer clothing to reveal glittering lingerie. In burlesque, it’s the moment when performers deliver on all their tease. For us at home, it’s the moment when our lover gets to see us in that special outfit.
There are several ways to plan your reveal. Take off the outfit you’ve been wearing all day to show them a surprise. Slink around with a robe on, showing glimpses, before you slide the robe away. Give yourself an entrance, coming in from one room to where they’re waiting.
Feeling shy? Planning a ‘reveal’ can give you both courage and control. With a robe or an outfit, you don’t have to take everything off at once. And it can boost your confidence when your audience wants more!
What’s hotter – taking lingerie off or keeping it on?
When it’s time to get up close and personal, the choice is yours: take it off, or keep it on.
If it’s time to take off those stretchy straps, there’s one final, smoking hot thing you and your lover can share. Ask them to undress you. That makes it their turn to set the tone: slow or urgent, reverent or dominating.
Keeping it on is for serious lingerie lovers. Or for when you’re so hot and bothered you don’t want to stop! Encourage your lover to run their hands over the fabric, then under it, touching your skin. You may decide to slide away a g-string and leave most of it in place.
If it’s not quite what you wanted…
Sometimes a gift of lingerie or a sex toy may be more unusual than you expected. It might be a bad match for your sensual style, or something you’d never discussed. You can say “no thank you, it’s not me.” If it happens early in a relationship, you might consider trying it once you’ve gotten to know each other better. Or it may just be too soon.
When you want to give a sexy gift, it’s good to do a little research in advance. Ask what they like. Check the size labels on what they already have. You can even shop together to choose something you both enjoy.
There’s more to sexy clothes than lingerie
What are some examples? Tight or slashed denim, biker jackets, and plaid shirts all have rough-edged appeal. Then there’s the romantic charm of tops with deep necklines, tall boots, sensuous fabrics like satin or stretch velvet. Athleisure’s lycra and mesh panels have lots of stealthy admirers. Or imagine a full-length trench coat over nothing at all!
Sexy clothes open the way to all levels of erotic times with our partners. Now when you dress up in that special outfit, you’ll be confident and inspired. One final tip: it goes both ways! You can ask them to dress up, too.