There may be no sexual practice so simultaneously desired and regretted as the one-night stand. In movies and erotica, it looks so easy. A smoldering gaze leads immediately to no-strings ecstasy with a sexy stranger who knows exactly what to do and when to leave. The reality is that a successful one night stand is an advanced-level sexual skill. And if you want to enjoy sex without necessarily starting a relationship, it’s a skill worth developing.
Scratch the surface and you’ll quickly learn that lots of people have one-night stand memories they’d prefer to forget. The partner who kept interrupting their orgasm by asking for a performance review. The awkward morning-after breakfast they couldn’t break free of. The truly disappointing sex. Know that these unfortunate encounters are common, but not unavoidable. Done properly, a one-night stand can be liberating, thrilling and satisfying.
How do you maximize your chances of having a great one-night stand?
Set a One-Night Stand Intention
Since this encounter will be brief, decide beforehand what you want out of it. Do you want to just get off? Would you like to be held for a while? Are you interested in trying something you haven’t yet? Play a different role? Or just surrender to the experience without an agenda? There’s no wrong reason to want a one-night stand, but the clearer you are about what you want from it, the better your chances of achieving it.
It’s easier to find a short-term sex friend if you have a hunting buddy with you. A pack of pals can be overwhelming. Going out alone can feel sad. A friend (or two, max) can help you relax while you cruise the room, tell you if you have something in your teeth, scope out the talent behind you, facilitate an introduction and talk you up to your potential paramour. They also keep your hookup from being entirely anonymous, which keeps you safer.
Don’t Over Party
If you’re a drinker, know your limits and respect them. While it can be tempting to compensate for nervousness with alcohol, overdoing it is a surefire way to ruin your evening. Excessive booze consumption deadens your sexual response and can impede your orgasm. Plus, no one ever speaks fondly of the one-night stand who vomited or passed out. Take it easy.
Discuss the Exit Strategy
Of all the one-night stand skills, managing expectations might be the most critical. The morning after can be magical or agonizing depending on how close it is to what your partner was led to expect. So be upfront about two things:
1. Your Morning-After Plans
Have something scheduled for the morning. A yoga class. A friend’s cat to feed. Coffee with your ex. Something which puts a definite cap on the festivities. This puts you in control of the ending, which allows you to enjoy the beginning and middle.
2. Your Relationship Goals
It’s awkward to tell a potential sex partner that you don’t want to date them. But it’s way more awkward to explain that to them over morning tears. Be clear about what you’re looking for.
“I am so attracted to you but I’m not into having a relationship right now. How do you feel about just having sex tonight?”
Don’t take their number or say you’ll call. And don’t tell them you’d like to see them again. Or, do. You’re a grownup – but if you’re serious about limiting this to a single night of passion, don’t offer any false hope.
Whatever your safe sex practices are, practice them. Bring your own supplies. Enough for at least two rounds. You’re aiming for the feeling of recklessness, not actual recklessness.
Get Over Yourself
Give up the dream of being the perfect lover and just be you. It’s enough. Whatever your physical “flaws” or human “failings,” you’re offering to share your body with a stranger for the night and that makes them lucky. Don’t wreck your good time by stressing over body noises that everyone makes.
Say It Loud, Say It Proud
If you’re going to have good sex on a condensed schedule, you’re going to have to be vocal about what you want. This is no time to be shy. This person doesn’t know you and doesn’t have time to learn you. So, help them. Tell or show them how and where you want to be touched.
If they’re doing something you don’t like, take control. Take their hand and use it on yourself, saying “I like it like this.” If they’re talking too much, say, “I really love to do it silently. Do you mind if we don’t say anything?” And when they get something right, be responsive and encouraging. With words, moans or gasps, let them know you’re into it.
When it’s your turn, be all about you. Don’t settle for just ok. Don’t be polite. And, please, don’t fake an orgasm. Share yourself. Thoughts. Reactions. Be honest. It’s the whole point.
When it’s their turn, be all about them. Pay attention to their responses. Read their body language. Ask what they’d like you to do for them. Say, “Like that?”
Fill your senses with them. The curve of their unfamiliar body. The feel of their tongue on your fingertips. That new-partner smell. Follow your impulses whether it’s to kiss their palms or grind against their thighs. Implant them in your mind for a lifetime of masturbation material.
There’s No Rush
Don’t race to the finish line. Whether it’s a pre-sex couch chat or a langorous massage, let yourself enjoy this without worrying about achieving a goal or taking too long. It’s just one night. Make it count.
Make A Clean Break
When all is said and done, leave them with a sense of gratitude for what you’ve shared together. Offer them coffee. Kiss them goodbye. Use a killer parting line like, “It was definitely a pleasure to meet you.” Send them out into the world glowing, grinning and completely content.
If you liked this article, have even more fun in the bedroom and read our other posts on How to Have an Amazing Threesome, Sex Talk 101: How To Tell Your Partner What You Want In Bed and The First-Time Guide To Anal Sex.