How to Prepare for Ass Play, and Not Overload the Health Care System

By Delilah Wood

Let us guess: you’re stuck at home, you haven’t been out to eat in weeks, and your last date involved a video chat in your PJs. Maybe you live alone, and are wearing out your masturbation repertoire. Maybe you live with a long-term partner and you haven’t had adventurous sex in a long time. Or maybe you’re quarantined with someone you’re super-hot for, and you’ve been tearing up the sheets for the past month just for something to do!

Whatever your situation, if you’re itching to try something new in the sex department, there’s literally never been a better time. “Butt stuff” seems to be the new hot thing lately, and everyone’s talking about either pegging, eating ass or good old fashioned anal intercourse. But what if you’ve never played with your butt before? Read on for our guide to doing it safely, comfortably and without leaving the house!

Curious? Or pressured?

First off, remember that you don’t have to involve your butthole in sex if you don’t want to! We interviewed sexologist Dr. Jess about the increasing popularity of anal sex, and she gave us a lot of great advice about how to start out. But the most important advice was this: don’t do it if you don’t want to! Remember: consent is critical for any sexual act – and that includes sex with yourself! Just remember: just because “everybody’s doing it,” doesn’t mean you have to.

Still gung ho about dat ass, tho? In that case, onward!

Making self-isolation fun

The best way to start out with anal play is by yourself. As Dr. Jess reminds us, it’s easier to relax and try something new when you don’t feel pressure to perform or behave a certain way. Playing with yourself is also a great way to find out what you really like, and what doesn’t work for you.

Whether you’re playing with yourself or with a partner, there are a few simple things you can do to make yourself ready.

First, make sure you’re using lube! A thick one that won’t wear out too fast is best. Because unlike vaginas, anuses don’t create a lot of their own natural lubrication (they do have some mucus, but not a lot), you’ll want to make sure you have plenty of slipperiness to avoid irritation.

Next, make sure you’re relaxed – and aroused! Whenever you’re trying something new to you, you should add it to things you already know you like. So if you’re masturbating, get yourself nice and warmed up in your usual way before trying to do anything with your ass. If you’re playing with a partner, get worked up together so that adding ass play will be a welcome excitement rather than a sudden invasion! However you approach it, go slowly – like way more slowly than you think you need to. You’ve got time – after all, where are you going?

Using toys is easier than going for body parts right away. Even a narrow silicone dildo or buttplug is going to be softer and more forgiving than a finger. If you do start with a finger, wear latex or nitrile gloves – this is a good idea for safer sex reasons and for fingernail reasons – and play around the outside first.

Cleanliness is next to oh-god-liness. Use condoms on any toys or penises that are going in your butt. It makes cleanup easier, and also lets you go from ass to vagina if you want – just change out the condom! As we said above, wear gloves if you’re using fingers and hands. Put down a towel or pad underneath you, something you can put in the wash or throw away easily. And if you’re really concerned about, well, what you might find in your butt (hint: it’s poop), you can give yourself a gentle rinse with an enema or douching bulb. But mostly, remember that poop is a natural phenomenon, and as a lover of mine once said, if you want to get that honey, you might have to deal with some bees.

Don’t forget the lube!

Did we mention lube? Sex educator Midori has been known to say that for anal sex, if the lube isn’t dripping from the ceiling, you’re not using enough. I don’t know how literally you want to take that, but definitely remember that you really, really can’t use too much lube.

If you want to make some of your own rather than shelling out for sometimes-spendy, long-lasting silicone options, there are a few things you can try.

Oils, like coconut and olive, are natural, effective and long-lasting. You might also have them around the house. The only problem is that they eat latex, so don’t use them with condoms or latex gloves. Nitrile or vinyl gloves should work fine.

Aloe vera gel is also a good choice. Just check the ingredients carefully, since most products aren’t pure aloe vera gel and contain preservatives you might be sensitive to. Aloe vera gel, which is mostly water, is also a great choice for using with condoms or other latex products.

You can mix up your own recipes at home if you’re feeling motivated. Check out this page for recipes.

Avoid petroleum products and other pop-culture recommendations. Vaseline is terrible for all kinds of reasons – it’s greasy, smelly, oil-based, and it’s a great breeding ground for bacteria. Definitely avoid. Another thing you might have seen in an erotic story or porno is Crisco, which is also oil-based and made from weird hydrogenated fats. Not the best idea.

Use sex toys, save lives

What’s that you say – you don’t have any sex toys? Well, there’s always our store – and what do you know, it’s by mail-order! But what if you want to try something right now?

Remember, there’s always fingers. Your own, or someone else’s, can be some of the best ways to ease into anal play. Even though toys are often smoother and softer, fingers have the advantage of being bendy, and being connected to a person who can change what they’re doing on a dime.

Some folks may be wondering what sorts of household items might be pervertable for this purpose. Sadly, for the most part, household objects aren’t really safe to put in your bum. If you are or have ever known an ER doctor, you probably have some stories of people showing up to the hospital with objects stuck in their butt. Bottles, golf balls, soup ladles…you do not want to go there.

The thing is, unlike the vagina, your butt is a gateway to the rest of your digestive system, and things can slip inside and get lost. This is why buttplugs have that distinctive design: the flared base is to prevent it from going up there and not coming out.

Don’t be fooled by, say, an empty wine bottle, which has a narrow neck and a wide body. Because it’s open inside, a bottle can also get stuck due to suction.

So the short version is: please don’t put anything in your butt that’s not either another body part or an object that’s made to go there. If you do it anyway – and ER records suggest that you will – then remember: pick something smooth, with a flared end, that can be washed with soap and hot water. Then put a condom over it!

Flatten the perv – uh, curve

However you decide to experiment with ass play, remember: be safe, and have fun. Right now is a time to stay home and play with your own ass! Or the ass of someone you love! 

If you enjoyed this article, log into PleazeMe and check out Eight Creative Ways To Use Household Items For Sex Play.

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