For many couples, the threesome is one of the favorite stops on the road of sexual adventure. Aside from being naughty and fun, it’s a whole new universe of mathematical possibilities. From watching your lover be pleasured to being tended to by two people at the same time to being with two different genders simultaneously, a threesome definitely increases your options.
But while two tongues are better than one, having two lovers at once also increases the potential for complications and conflict. So if you’re thinking of inviting a third to join you in bed, take some precautions to maximize the chance that it will be a great experience for everyone. Here are seven ways to make your first threesome a sexy, fun, and bonding experience for you, your partner, and your special guest.
Talk About It
Before you take a step toward inviting a third human being into your bed, it’s essential to make sure that both you and your partner actively want to have a threesome. If either of you are agreeing under pressure, a threesome is a three-way disaster waiting to happen. So, prior to inviting someone in, try fantasizing together. You can initiate some exhilarating sex just by talking about the threesome you’d like to share with each other.
If the fantasy remains hot, talk about the reality. Ask yourself and your partner if you have any concerns or fears, then examine and discuss them honestly. After this step, if you’re both still turned on by the idea, proceed with joy.
Find the Right Person
Ideally, a threesome collaborator is someone you’re both attracted to and comfortable with. It should also be someone who complements your relationship, meaning they’re excited to share in your sexual connection to each other. If you’re both open to hosting a sex guest that you know or might run into again, your sex positive community is a great place to look. Including a friend or a friend of a friend in your hot escapade can work out very nicely. When you know each other or have friends in common, it tends to be easier both to find and to trust each other.
One or both of you may feel more comfortable with a stranger. This is totally normal and completely okay. If this is the case, go out together and keep your eyes open. Spot an exciting prospect at the bar? Say hello and offer them a drink. Get to know them a bit. If the vibe feels right, say, “We both think you’re hot. Would you like to come home with us?” Just be prepared to take no for an answer. And also be prepared to take yes. Other good hunting grounds are sex-positive social events or dating apps designed for non-traditional dating. Most importantly, be open to the opportunity when it appears.
Get On the Same Page
Once you’ve found the right third, you’ll need to discuss your desires and boundaries. It’s the same talk you would ideally have before bedding any new partner, but now you’re having it in three directions. Remember, the person joining you is a person, not a toy. It’s important to know their hell yeses and absolute noes (and to share both of yours) before you get busy.
Break the Ice
It’s best to spend a little time together before you hit the sheets. You know, go on a date. Hang out together. Ask questions. Establish rapport. And when the moment comes to shift gears, kiss your partner. Then turn to your new friend and say, “May I kiss you, too?”
Take Turns
Once the action has begun, the challenge to all three participants is to find a way to support the pleasure of the trio. While sublime three-way sex in which everyone is equally stimulated and satisfied is possible, it’s rare and fleeting. Usually, at any particular moment, one of you will be less actively involved. People who rock at threesomes try not to let these moments bother them. Instead they look for a way to enhance what’s going on and wait their turn.
If you find yourself watching while your bedmates get it on, you can enjoy the show, touch yourself, stroke one of your partners, massage them, or kiss someone’s back. Or neck. Or feet. Or butt. If you are generous at moments when you are the odd one out, their attention will likely drift back to you. And do remember that you’re just as free to make requests of two lovers as of one. If you find yourself in the active twosome, make an effort to reach out to the third. Literally. An outstretched hand is a very effective way of including someone in the experience.
Be Safe
Of course, all your ordinary safe sex procedures should be in effect. You’ll also change latex barriers any time you change partners. You can’t use the same condom, glove, or dental dam on two people.
Our Recommended Condoms for a Threesome
Wind Down Together
Afterwards, be a good host and invite your guest to spend the night—and also be gracious if they’d rather go home. Make sure they have what they need to be comfortable. In the morning, cook breakfast or go out for brunch together in order to reinforce the fact that you’re all friends (albeit friends who have recently seen each other naked).
Check In With Your Partner
Once you’ve bid farewell to your guest, ask your partner how they enjoyed the encounter. Listen to them. If feelings come up, allow that to happen. Don’t argue or try to fix things, just hear them out and ask how you can support them. Any new experience or partner can trigger emotions, and a threesome is potentially both.
Done well, a threesome is a lot of fun, along with a chance to see a different aspect of your partner’s sexuality. Remember, the key to doing anything well is practice. Expect that there will be missteps at first, but a spirit of adventure, an acceptance of imperfection, and a generous attitude will give you the best chance of success. Lead with that in mind and all three of you are likely to have a great time.
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