By Jade Byrnell

If your lover has a prostate, pay attention. One of the kindest ways to show your love is to give them an erotic prostate massage. Done properly, it is an amazing method of stress relief, as well as a source of life-changing orgasms. If you’re new to the idea of prostate massage, here are some tips for bringing it up and doing it well.

First Things First - Find Out If He Wants You In His Ass

While some sex researchers report that as many as 71% of straight men have or would try some recreational butt stuff, some people are skeeved out by the idea. The only way to know if you’re with a No, a Maybe, or a Hell Yes is to ask. Here are some script suggestions:

• What are your thoughts on butt stuff?
• Have you ever had anyone play with your ass?
• ’m curious about something but I’m not sure how you’ll feel about it.

The point is to broach the subject and gauge the response. If it’s an emphatic “No way,” let it go. If it’s a less intense “No,” you can ask if they might ever consider it in the future but be prepared to drop it if they’re just not into it. If it’s a maybe, feel free to ask sexy follow up questions and clarify your own interest in trying it. And if you get a “Hell Yes,” skip directly to the Prep Yourself section of this article. Like right now.

If you’re trying to entice the ass-phobic to give it a go, here are some helpful points to emphasize:

• It can lead to longer, more intense, full body orgasms.
• Some men report longer lasting and thicker erections after time.
• Regular prostate massage can help prevent erectile dysfunction.
• It feels absolutely incredible.

Once you’re established that your partner is open to trying this, keep reading for helpful how-tos. (It goes without saying but do not, under any circumstances, attempt to penetrate someone who has not explicitly invited you to do so.)

Prep Yourself

Trim your fingernails and file them smooth. The ass and prostate are delicate and easily injured. Long nails may look good but they’re not conducive to successful ass play.

Wash your hands. The butt may strike you as inherently dirty but it’s vulnerable to foreign bacteria so don’t bring any along.

Prep Him

If you or your partner is especially poop-phobic, you may want to encourage a light enema to flush out any yuck before you start. That said, lots of people skip that step and do just fine. It’s all about whatever you’re both comfortable with.

Know the terrain. The prostate is a gland the size of either a walnut or golf ball, depending on the interests of the doctor measuring it. It’s surrounded by delicious nerve endings, and wraps around the urethra, down the length of the cock. Stimulating it allows you to touch parts of the penis that are located inside the body.

You can stimulate the prostate externally through the perineum, which is the skin between the balls and the ass, lovingly named The Taint. This is a great primer for someone who’s nervous about being penetrated. And who isn’t their first time?

If you’re going in, get him hard first. The prostate is easier to find when he’s aroused. Using your tongue and fingers on his shaft beforehand is a great idea but so is using something more unusual like your tits, hair, or a silky pair of panties. Novelty is hot and wrapping this experience in more novelty will help make it super sexy.

Once you’re both ready, lube up a finger and insert it gently into his ass. Go slow. Slower. Slower still. Now you’ve got it. Do not push. Just massage in circles or with a gentle thrusting motion. Wait for him to relax and let you in further. Once he does, get up there. Don’t rush but do know that you need to get more than an inch inside to find what you’re looking for. If it hurts him at all, stop. This should only ever feel good.

His P-spot is a couple inches inside, just behind his penis. It’s firm in spots and soft in others. Look for the soft spot. If he says he feels like he needs to pee, it means you’ve found it. Reassure him that this sensation is normal and do a little “Come here” with your finger. Tell him you’re stroking his cock from the inside and ask how it feels. Let him guide you on speed and pressure.

Continue gentle but insistent circles while you play with his shaft. Alternate between using your mouth and fingers but keep up the inside pressure. Once he’s close, keep your stroke consistent and firm. And be prepared to see him come harder than either of you knew he could. The difference in intensity between a penile and prostate orgasm is significant. Full body shudders can happen, as can a steady stream of blissful convulsions.

If you’re looking for added stimulation, check out our Anal Play toys in the PleazeMe Shop.

If it goes as well as it could, this will become a regular part of your lovemaking rotation and a special treat to pull out when he needs a little extra TLC. And if it isn’t a complete success the first time, you’ve still done your relationship a great service by introducing the idea. You never know when it might come up again.

If you enjoyed this article, we suggest you check out How to Give an Erotic Massage.

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We believe in love, sexuality, and the power of inclusion. People of all shapes and sizes, colors and ethnicities, genders and sexualities are valuable and deserve to feel included. Everyone should have a safe place they can go to connect, discover and express themselves without fear of being judged, censored or discriminated against.

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