By Delilah Wood
Valentine’s Day can be tough when you’re single. The hearts-and-flowers “love holiday” has a particular way of making single people feel bad, as if being part of a couple, is the only way to be. Plenty of people rebel, throwing anti-V-Day parties, go out drinking with friends, or just ignoring the holiday altogether.
But Valentine’s Day can be a great opportunity to look at that most elusive of love relationships: the one you have with yourself. Here at PleazeMe, we’ve thought of a few ways to treat yourself on February 14, a day that’s all about (self-)love!
Not to be obvious, but…yay, orgasms!
Sometimes self-love is as simple as…well, a little self-lovin’. Having an orgasm with someone else is nice, but having one with yourself can be amazing, too! Orgasms release happy-making endorphins, increase your sense of well-being, and relax muscles. There’s a reason why a lot of us masturbate before going to sleep!
But it’s one thing to have a little stress-relieving fap-and-nap (jill-and-chlll?), and quite another to give yourself a lingering, sensuous experience. For a real Valentine’s self-celebration, start by giving yourself plenty of space and time – at least an hour, and in a place where you know you won’t be disturbed.
Next, make yourself truly comfortable. Do you love having sex when you’re freshly showered? Or do you enjoy your own funk a little bit? (No shame!) Shave or don’t, put on scented lotion or don’t. Whatever it is that you like best, do that. One of the great things about self-pleasuring is that you don’t need to worry about anyone’s preferences but your own.
Keeping that in mind, do a little work on the setting: make the lights how you like them, put on music that you’re into. If you usually like some media assistance, feel free! Maybe it’s porn videos, maybe it’s a magazine, or maybe it’s your favorite book of erotica, paper or audio. Or maybe for you the best porno is the movie inside your head. Whatever is most comfortable and works best, choose that. This isn’t about doing something challenging for yourself – it’s about comfort and affirmation.
Finally, choose your weapon! For some people, good old Righty or Lefty is still the best tool at hand. But the right toy can also make all the difference, and take some of the guesswork out of getting to the mind-blowing orgasm you’re after.
One of our favorites is the Hitachi Magic Wand, which now comes in a cordless, rechargeable version that’s just as powerful as the original, and has more options in its settings. Useful for people with all kinds of genitals, it delivers powerful vibrations from a simple, large bulb at the end of an easy-to-grasp handle. Put it where it feels best, then move it back and forth, grind on it, or play around to find out what works for you!
Whatever you end up using, remember to linger, savor, and let it be all about you. You deserve it.
Treat yo’ self (right)
On the day when people are meant to show their romantic love for each other, it can be a good idea to show yourself some love, too! Getting yourself flowers and chocolates on Valentine’s Day might seem a little pathetic or desperate – unless you really, really love flowers or chocolate! If that’s the case, treating yourself to something nice may be just the ticket. It might be something traditional, like lingerie or champagne. But what’s important about it is that it’s 1. something you love, and 2. something you wouldn’t ordinarily get for yourself.
Maybe there’s a pretty sweater, or a great book, or this really sparkly wool that you’ve been meaning to knit something out of. Maybe there’s this video game you’ve been wanting to play alone, or a new pair of climbing shoes, or really anything you can think of that strikes you as an indulgence. The point is: indulge yourself. Get that thing that you know is going to give you pleasure, even if it’s a little more money than you normally want to spend on yourself. Again: you are worth it.
The thing you buy may even relate to the idea above: how about a new sex toy with really awesome features, that you can spend some time experimenting with? For people with clits, the Womanizer Premium is a nifty new choice, with an interesting set of new technologies. For you penis-havers, the SenseMax SenseTube is a sophisticated masturbation sleeve with VR capability and a responsive grip. Both toys are completely waterproof, so you can also use them if one of your self-love activities is taking a nice hot bath or shower.
Speaking of which, treating yourself doesn’t have to mean buying things. Experiences are often the gifts we remember most, whether that means a spa day, going to the movies alone or just taking a walk in the woods.
Making the commitment
Of course, loving yourself isn’t something that should just be left to one day a year, any more than loving a partner or spouse should. But it’s not always easy to make time and space for ourselves. In fact, committing to our own well-being may be the hardest task of all.
So on this day, when you’ve given yourself a little love and are maybe feeling a bit softer toward yourself, more nourished and less stressed out, try this final act as a way to seal the deal.
Make a commitment to love yourself. Not just in your head: give yourself some kind of token, something that spells out what you’re promising and reminds you to do it, all through the year.
You don’t have to give yourself a ring or get self-married like all the cool kids are apparently doing these days, though if something you wear all the time can help you key in to the promises you’ve made yourself, then that’s also fine! But the easiest thing is to just write yourself a letter.
That’s right: a self-valentine.
‘Dearest life companion,’ it might begin, or ‘Beloved,’ or ‘Sup, bitch,’ or simply, ‘Dear me.’ Then express your feelings toward yourself. I love you, and always will. Or, I know I haven’t been very kind to you lately. Or, I’m not sure how to love you properly, but I want to learn.
Then make a few commitments. They can be simple, like promising to get a shower every couple days, even if you’re really depressed. They can be easy, like remembering to buy yourself your favorite chocolate every month. Or they can be harder, like journaling every morning, or finally joining that belly dancing class, or learning guitar.
Whatever it is, write it down. Make a few loving promises to yourself – not for self-improvement, but to remind yourself what it feels like when you take loving care of you.
You are a unique and loveable being. Happy Valentine’s Day!
You may also enjoy our article The Top 10 Perks of Being Single!
Have you checked out PleazeMe.com? It is a social media platform where adults can be adults. We created the 7 Worlds of PleazeMe so that every person would have a place to privately explore their sexuality with like-minded people.
We believe in love, sexuality, and the power of inclusion. People of all shapes and sizes, colors and ethnicities, genders and sexualities are valuable and deserve to feel included. Everyone should have a safe place they can go to connect, discover and express themselves without fear of being judged, censored or discriminated against.
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hi Delilah, I like the way you write! and thank you for this warming guide 😉 hope that all singles were happy enough on Valentine’s day