By Jade Byrnell
“O, the month of May, the merry month of May,” wrote Thomas Dekker in the days of Elizabeth I. But while Dekker and his true love spent their days looking for the perfect spot to “kiss and toy,” you may well be stuck alone indoors this month. Don’t despair! In addition to being prime season for frolicking with your true love, May is also National Masturbation Month! So get ready to take things into your own hands.
It’s Good For You
For something that only exists to make us feel good, masturbation has a strangely negative reputation. We’re taught to associate it with desperation, loneliness, and even insanity when the reality is that it’s normal, healthy, and very common. Planned Parenthood reports that over half of adult women and 70% of adult men masturbate anywhere from once in a while to multiple times a day. So not only is it happening all the time, it’s beneficial in many ways.
Masturbating is the gold standard of self care. It relieves stress, which makes it a magic bullet in the modern age. Unchecked stress levels can cause or worsen numerous health problems, so a stress remedy that’s free and without side effects is worth celebrating. It’s also a natural remedy for menstrual cramps. And with zero risk of pregnancy or STD transmission, it’s the ultimate form of safe sex.
It’s Good For Your Sex Life
Contrary to widely held beliefs, masturbation can be part of a thriving sex life with one or more partners. Touching yourself is the best way to learn what does it for you. Once you have this info, you can pass it on to the person trying to get you off. Talk about a win win.
You can also incorporate masturbation into your playtime with others. An orgasm is more easily achieved if you make it a team effort, so don’t be shy about giving your lover a hand at the critical moment. A demonstration of how you like it is both a practical how-to instruction and an overwhelmingly erotic performance. You can spice it up even more by playing with some D/s dynamics. Tell your partner they can look but they can’t touch. Make them watch you pleasure yourself for as long as you like before allowing them to join you.
If you’re separated from your lover by quarantine or anything else, masturbation is a key element of successful phone or cam sex. Touching yourself, describing how you’re touching yourself, and sharing the visual of you touching yourself are all great ways to stay close when you’re far apart.
It’s Good For Your Relationship
A healthy masturbation regimen can help you to be a better partner. In addition to improving your sexual self awareness and reducing your overall tension levels, it strengthens your identity as an individual and empowers you to take an active part in your life together. A healthy sense of self is essential to being happily paired up.
If you and your partner have mismatched libidos or schedules, masturbation can help to fill the gap between your drives. Perhaps your partner is less available for or interested in sex than you are right now. Maybe they’re working all hours on a massive project. Maybe they just gave birth. Maybe they’re dealing with health issues. Whatever the roadblock, self love, either solo or shared with them, can allow you to focus on what’s working in your relationship rather than what’s missing.
Finally, a person who masturbates when the urge strikes even if they’re in a relationship maintains the idea of sex as something they enjoy for themselves, rather than something they do for their partner. This makes the sex you have together more satisfying and rewarding.
Does Your Technique Need a Tune-Up?
If you’re still using the same moves you mastered in middle school, it might be time to shake things up a bit. Your body is absolutely covered in erogenous zones. In Amazing Facts About Female Orgasm, we learn that women reported their sexiest spots as clitoris, vagina, breasts, head and neck, back and shoulders, and feet – in that order. If any of those surprise you, spend some time getting to know their orgasmic potential.
The head and feet have nerve endings which correspond to all the body’s systems, so it figures that some people get turned on by having these parts caressed. The back and shoulders are places many people hold tension and releasing that can put them on the road to climax. Nipples are an oft overlooked hot spot, particularly in men. Lots of people enjoy having their nipples kissed, licked, tweaked, or even nibbled.
The clitoris and head of the penis are the most sexually sensitive but that also means they’re not necessarily the best place to start. Working up to the big event is called “foreplay” because it prepares the mind and body for orgasm. So wait until you really want it before going for your go button.
If you’re ready to take your ‘gasm’ game to the next level, grab some lube and venture inside. The G-spot is located on the front wall of the vagina and can be most easily found by inserting a finger and doing the “come here” motion. The prostate in men can be accessed through the anus in much the same way.
The orgasms which can be experienced by stimulating these areas can be more intense than those from external stimulation. Some people report reactions as extreme as tears, full body spasms or spiritual awakenings. You may have an easier time accessing these spots with a well designed sex toy.
A massage primer can help you tie it all together for a spectacular solo session. Treat yourself.
There’s no wrong way to come but practice makes perfect. So put self love on the agenda this month and reap the benefits of solo sex.
If you liked this article, you may also enjoy Solo Spiritual Sex: The Beginner’s Guide to Tantric Masturbation and The Ultimate Sex Toy Encyclopedia.
Have you checked out PleazeMe.com? It is a social media platform where adults can be adults. We created the 7 Worlds of PleazeMe so that every person would have a place to privately explore their sexuality with like-minded people.
We believe in love, sexuality, and the power of inclusion. People of all shapes and sizes, colors and ethnicities, genders and sexualities are valuable and deserve to feel included. Everyone should have a safe place they can go to connect, discover and express themselves without fear of being judged, censored or discriminated against.
Take Me There!