Hands On: The Expert Guide to Fingering

Psst…there’s a sex practice out there that’s so underrated, appreciating it almost feels like a fetish: using hands to stimulate. That’s right, fingering. Though it’s often relegated to the intro-to-sex world, digital stimulation can be a game changer when done right. We’ve got the truth for you about fingering’s full potential, and how to give a lover hand-crafted orgasms.

Debunking Fingering Falsehoods

Isn’t fingering for novices, teenagers or quick hook-ups? Not so. Being erotic with your hands can unlock multiple orgasms, second rounds and female ejaculation. It can even be part of tantric practice, supporting long sessions of stimulation.

There’s a parallel belief that fingering is for same-sex partners. “Only someone like you understands how to do it to you,” often paired with “straight men are hopeless at fingering.” Again, not so. Whoever you are, you can learn how to please different bodies with your hands and fingers. There are three keys to this: be empathetic, ask others what they like, and listen and learn! The first step is taking it seriously. Fingering is real sex. You’re inside someone else’s body, and it feels deep and intimate to be penetrated by someone’s hand. So, to start, ask your partner if they want it. Your first time is your chance to learn what your partner likes.

Gloves for Love – Hand Prep and Safety

To seduce someone with your hands, be prepared. Make sure your hands are clean and warm, and your nails are short and smooth. And take your rings off. Make it spicy by taking them off one by one…slowly…as your lover watches. For digits going inside your lover, your nails should be barely longer than the fingertip, no more than an eighth of an inch. And file them smooth! It’s okay to have a colorful manicure, but best to avoid scratchy bits like rhinestones or textured glitter in your nail art.

Safe sex includes hand protection. Gloves (latex or nitrile, as about allergies) are easy and safe. They also mean you can go from anal tickling to vaginal stroking with a quick glove change. You can even get black gloves. Some people think the black gloves are so sexy, you might use them even when you don’t need to! Use plenty of lubricant when you’re fingering, because hands or gloves are dry. Try a thicker, clinging lubricant, one that you would use for anal sex.

Find Your Best Angles

When it comes to fingering, most people think of one position: a person kneeling in front of another. You’ve got more variety available than that – with options for intimacy, naughtiness or the type of orgasms they enjoy. Try one or all of these:

• Sit next to someone on a sofa (or in a car, or on a boat bench…you get the idea).
• Kneel between their legs like you’re about to give oral sex. You’ll have a great view of everything, and you’ll have the best angle to finger and reach the G-spot or prostate.
• Lean in from behind them and reach down. This gives you different angles and makes the most of your hand’s strength and endurance.
• Lie on your side with your knees bent and have your partner ‘sit on your lap.’ It’s like spooning, with your partner facing upwards. You’ll find it’s easy to reach between their legs with a full range of motion, while being able to kiss, whisper, and have lots of skin-to-skin contact.

Slide In with These Skilled Touches

Now you’re ready for the good part – using your dexterity to turn someone on and make them come!

Is your lover a woman? Many want hand stimulation both inside and out. To caress your lover’s clitoris and vulva, try these touches:

• Circling the clit: With your thumb or two fingertips, press lightly and circle around your lover’s clit.
• Deep rub on sides of labia: For something different: from behind or in front of your lover, place your thumb and index finger in a v-shape above their vulva. Press down on the full outside lips – the labia majora. Dig in a little and stroke, in a massage move. This stimulates the buried clitoral nerves on each side of the vulva.
• Long stroke along the inner labia: When your lover is wet and swollen, a light up-and-down stroke with two or three fingertips is soothing yet arousing.
• Stroking the clit: Place one or two fingertips along your lover’s clit, press down gently, and stroke. Ask your lover if she wants more pressure. With two fingertips, you can place the clit between them as you stroke.

Vaginal fingering is when you insert digits inside your lover’s vagina, one, two or more. Add fingers smoothly, one at a time. Your movements can be light or hammering, in-and-out or swirling. Your lover might like a thumb circling her clitoris as you slide your fingers inside. She might know exactly where her G-spot is and ask you to press it, curling your fingers up to it in a “come here” gesture. Or that may be too much stimulation – watch, listen and ask.

Anal fingering is for everybody. For anal stimulation, many people are happy with one finger, or with tickling and pressure right outside that area. Again, ask your partner if they’re up for more. However deep you go, be careful back there. Stay gentle and slow so you don’t damage important tissues. And after you’ve enjoyed sending a finger exploring, stay clean. Pause and change your glove, or wash your hands thoroughly, before doing more.

Going Deeper and Wetter

When you and your partner find what works for you, after a first fingering orgasm…see what happens if you keep going. Can you reach a second orgasm? A third? You may both be delightfully surprised. For more pleasure, see if you can combine fingering with oral stimulation. For some, the holy grail of fingering is helping a woman ejaculate. You need firm G-spot stimulation for female ejaculation, and fingering is great for that. If you’d like to squirt, or help someone squirt, take fingering to the next level with How To Become A Squirter.

Here’s hoping you’ll reach out and give fingering a try. You might wind up with a new technique you’ll enjoy for life.

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