There’s a reason “Have Tantric Sex” doesn’t appear on many daily agendas. Despite a growing awareness of the ancient practice of Tantra, it remains mysterious and intimidating to the uninitiated. And if the only thing you know about it is that it leads to mind blowing orgasms but takes four hours, it’s a tough thing to schedule. If you want to try it out without having to take a day off work, here are three basic sex positions even absolute beginners can do.
Tantric Sex For Beginners: Try A Different Attitude
The main difference between Tantric sex and regular sex is the attitude with which you approach it. Dawn Cartwright, Tantra instructor and founder of the Chandra Bindu Tantra Institute, tells Cosmo: “Tantra views every facet of human experience, including sex, as potential for personal transformation and self-actualization … Every activity — eating, drinking, breathing, dancing, making love — can be entered into with awareness.”
So by merely slowing down and really looking at your lover, you’re already having Tantric sex. If you want to deepen your practice, you can experiment with conscious and deliberate breathing, eye contact, and an unbelievably slow pace. Maybe it’s not four hours slow, but definitely slower than you’re used to. You can also create a meditative space for your lovemaking using pillows, incense, and soft lighting.
Or you could just try out some traditional Tantric sex positions before committing to the whole thing. If you like what you experience and want to go deeper, lucky you! There are thousands of years of material on Tantric practices to dive into. Get a taste with these simple starter positions.
Three Beginning Tantric Sex Positions
Lie on your side and spoon or be spooned. Hang out like this for as long as you both find it pleasurable. Remember, this is Tantra. There’s no agenda. Touch each other. Enjoy the sensation of fingertips on flesh and hot breath on skin. Revel in your lover’s scent. Then, when you’re both ready, the partner in back may penetrate or stimulate the partner in front. Or you could just rest in this position, continuing to breathe and caress. Feel free to find your own way.
When and if thrusting feels like the right idea, thrust slowly. See how long you can enjoy the ride. As always with Tantra, orgasms are optional. The goal is pleasure and connection. This position is great for those who get giggly during eye contact.
The most fundamental Tantric sex position, this looks like the cross-legged Lotus position that is what most people picture when they think of yoga. Partners sit facing each other. One of them – the woman if you’re a hetero couple, whoever feels like being on top if you’re not – wraps their legs around their partner, embracing their torso. This can be the end or the beginning. It’s entirely up to the two of you.
If you’re feeling patient, stay here. Look into your lover’s eyes. Try to match their breathing with yours. When and if you’re ready, ease into intercourse. The key word is ease. This position allows for incredible intimacy and the slower you go, the deeper you bond. See how slowly you can move together and how long you can make it last. And remember there is no right way to do this. There’s only what the two of you do together.
This one is a hair more advanced, but still doable for people who aren’t yoga teachers. Assuming your couple is guy / girl, have the guy kneel behind the girl, who should kneel with her back to him and her legs touching his. If you’re not guy / girl, explore whatever version of this position feels right for both of you. But if penetration is on the menu, it’s best to have the penetrating partner in back.
Now, you guessed it, do nothing. Just enjoy the feel of skin on skin and the access to each other’s bodies.
When you’re ready, you can penetrate or be penetrated in this position. Just have the person in front back up onto the person in back. The person in back should help support the weight of the person in front by embracing them. You may have to experiment to find the version of this move which works for both of you but it’s worth the effort. This position allows for lots of skin contact and fingertip tracing and neck nuzzling.
After Your First Tantric Sex Session
After sex, whether it ends with both people climaxing, just one, or neither, sit together. Hold each other. Talk about how this made you feel. Don’t stress if it’s awkward. It is for a lot of people when they start. That doesn’t mean it will always be. If there was anything about it that you liked, share that with you partner. Think about what made it good and how you can get more of that into your lovemaking.
If you both want to move further into Tantra, you can easily keep learning about it for a lifetime. If you decide the positions are enough for now, that’s fine, too. Anyone can benefit from slowing down during sex. Anyone can increase their pleasure and that of their lover by giving their full attention to lovemaking. You don’t have to be a yogi to work some Tantra magic into your love life. You just have to be willing to try it.